The Adventures of Grimjeff

Farewell to Hebron

2010-08-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

In August of 1983 I attended Camp Hebron for the first time. The camp is nestled in the hill country of New York’s Washington County, close to the border with Vermont. I was nervous about going. I was a painfully shy teenager—pretty much the geeky kid who wore bad looking glasses, got good grades, read comic books and sci-fi, and who was generally uncomfortable in groups of strangers. Hell, I was uncomfortable just being me back then. I only went to camp because there were other kids from my church going there, and they had raved about it from the year before. I confess that at first I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. We stayed in tents, brushed our teeth in these long water troughs, and had to contend with bugs and humidity. But in the course of that week something happened; something profound. I was gently coaxed out of my shell. The director—I want to say her name was Nancy—and especially the Program Director “Gracie”, encouraged me and supported me. I could be me, and it was okay. It was like flying when I could have done it all along; I just needed to get over my fear.

I made friendships that week that meant the world to me through the rest of my teen years, some of which have been renewed thanks to Facebook. One friendship in particular has remained strong for nearly 30 years. I can recall the night we were gathering in one of the tents “hanging out” as teens do, and one of the other campers said something like, “Greetings aliens” and gave Mr. Spock’s Vulcan salute from T.V.’s Star Trek. Back in the day I was a huge fan of the show. I immediately noticed the salute and returned it. I started talking to the kid who had issued the greeting, one John Decker, and the rest, as they say, is history. John has been my true blue Best Pal through thick and thin—one of many gifts I have received because of Camp Hebron. The rest of that first week was magical. There were games, a talent show, hikes, campfires, swimming, fellowship, and most of all acceptance. All that stuff you hear about in church? –Hebron made it accessible. You felt like it was cool to be at “Jesus Camp”. By the end of that first week, I knew that I was coming back. For the next 3 summers I returned there. I couldn’t wait. I would go to church-sponsored youth gatherings because most of them were like mini-Hebron reunions. Hebron was a safe place where it was okay to talk about faith matters. You got to be away from your parents, hang out with your friends, make new ones, and generally just have a blast. Every year the last night of camp was heart-wrenching. You felt so blessed to have had that experience while at the same time knowing that it was over for a whole other year.

In the summer of my senior year (’86), the goodbye to Hebron was especially painful. As a 12^th grader on his way to college, there would be no coming back the next summer. I would be losing Hebron to head off to college. I know a lot of people look forward to that experience, but I was not one of them. I dreaded the idea. I had picked SUNY Cortland more because the city had held a special place in my Dad’s memories than for any other reason. But Hebron, as it turned out, wasn’t done with me. The summer of ’86 saw the arrival of a new director—a seminary student by the name of Jerry McKinney. People come and go in your life, but every so often, if you’re lucky, you meet someone who so profoundly and positively impacts your life that you would be far, far poorer for not having that experience. Jerry McKinney is one of those people. –Kind, humble, cool, compassionate, and sharp of both wit and intellect, Jerry is one of those folks who tend to bring out the best in others. It’s like he can see you at your best, even when you can’t, and encourages you to be that person. At the end of that week in August of ’86, the staff gave out these cheesy little awards on the last night of camp. Everybody got one. I will never forget my award: “Most likely to be a counselor.” That simple little mimeographed sheet set me on a whole new course. The thought that I could be a counselor—and that the staff had apparently thought so too—was an honor akin to winning some sort of academy award. And so I applied to be a counselor the next spring. I was interviewed by two ministers. I thought that the interview went well, but I didn’t hear back from them for a while. My spirits started to sink, but my Mom encouraged me to call one of the ministers to see what was up. I reluctantly did so. It turned out that each reverend had assumed that the other one had already called to offer me the job. I felt like I had won the lottery. I was going to be working at my favorite place, and Jerry was coming back as director. For the next 4 summers I worked there as a camp counselor. It’s been 20 years, and I still say that it was the best job I ever had. I got to work with a lot of great kids and adults. We learned from each other, and were better for it. My friend John came back to work there in 1989, and we were like Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Honeycutt from M*A*S*H. It was the best.

Life goes on, of course, and adults have “responsibilities.” The first year that I couldn’t go back to Hebron was like someone telling me to hack off my own arm. But even then, Hebron wasn’t done with me. Jerry stayed on as director, eventually graduating from seminary, and becoming the minister of two local congregations in addition to his camp responsibilities. –So it was like your favorite uncle lived at Camp Hebron, and you could visit in the off season. I have had the privilege to serve on the Hebron Board of Directors twice—one in the mid-90’s, and again this past year. I even got to come back as Program Director for part of the summer of ’96.

You see, this is how it was with a lot of us: Hebron got in our blood. We spent a week there and then we spent the next 51 weeks waiting to do it again. I have so, so many treasured memories from that place. I can recall a hundred memorable campfires. There was the time when I managed to pull a rare prank on Jerry, scaring him with a set of plastic vampire fangs. There was the time he tricked my friend John and I to come to the pool dressed as superheroes for the campers, only to have those same campers surround and pelt us with water balloons. I can remember lying on a blanket outside Maple Lodge with my fellow counselors, eating raw cookie dough and gazing up at a starry night that seemed to go on forever. I remember so many people; seeing and sharing in the Hebron experience with them. So many memories…but what I remember most of all was the acceptance that you felt at Camp Hebron; the love and the fellowship. We came from different places, from different backgrounds. –Rich or poor, black or white or yellow or brown, urban or rural—those differences that could divide us in the everyday world, really didn’t matter all that much when we were here. You know we often hear in our churches about the “Kingdom of God”, but at Hebron we got a sense of what that really must be like. There was a wonderful ripple effect that came out of this. The lives that were touched there touched others, and those lives in turn touched others. A lot of good has come about because of what happened there.

A few years back a group within the leadership of the Albany Presbytery decided that it cost more to run Camp Hebron than it was worth. Many of those folks rarely if ever had been to camp, and for some individuals in particular the main reason for their attitude was that they had vendettas against the camp and some of the people associated with it. (This in a so-called Christian organization!) They saw the camp strictly in terms of accounting sheets. They gave a lot of lip service to the camp, but little in the way of genuine support. They began a systematic campaign to end the ministry of Camp Hebron. Time and again they road blocked or obstructed the efforts of those who sought to keep the camp going. –This was experienced by many who sought to support the camp. Let me tell you one of the dark little secrets I learned about the Albany Presbytery: The organization prides itself on democracy, but in point of fact it is run largely by a group of upper class, intellectual snobs who think they know better than anyone outside of their inner circle. These people grossly manipulated the already convoluted Presbyterian process to the point that when the larger body voted on whether or not to sell the camp property on June 8^th, the outcome was all but preordained. Was it technically a violation of the rules? –No. Was it true to the spirit of those rules? –Absolutely not. The way it was handled was just plain lousy. One thing I’ve discovered in life is that there is a difference between what is legal and what is just. The truth of the matter is that Hebron was allowed to die; I would go so far as to say that it was murdered. As I sat in the meeting at Bay Road Church in Lake George on June 8^th as the votes came in as to whether or not to sell the camp I was crushed. I was furious. General Presbyter Cass Shaw and her cronies who engineered this were all smirks and barely contained excitement at their victory. I swear at that moment that I was tempted to grab a hymnal in one hand and a Bible in the other and to go over and repeatedly bash those smug looks off of their faces. -But to do so would have dishonored the lessons I had learned at Hebron. The only satisfaction I can take from this is that the Presbytery leadership’s actions are likely to have all sorts of unintended consequences that will not be to their liking. I predict that in time their own arrogance and ineptitude will do them in, and when that happens I intend to pop a big ol’ bag of popcorn, sit back, and watch. Some have suggested that people like me shouldn’t “demonize” the other side. To that I can only say that that in the case of some---certainly not all, but some of those individuals--if the shoe fits… Sometimes “turning the other cheek” is very, very hard.

I’m not naive. The camp needed a lot of repair work. It did cost more money to run than it took in, but it wasn’t beyond saving. The Hebron Board of Directors spent months developing a sound, 5-year plan that at least deserved a shot before being cut off at the knees. The truth is that I have serious doubts as to whether Presbytery leadership was open to ANY plan to save Hebron, even if the Almighty personally carved it in their meeting table with a lightning bolt. It was like an HMO denying medical care to an ailing (but not terminal) patient because odds were that he or she wasn’t likely to live much longer anyway. Camp Hebron is going before its time, and it deserved much better than what it got in the end.

I find myself mourning over this situation as though I had lost a living, breathing loved one. Unfortunately at these times my emotions become locked up and frozen, thawing only a little at a time. And I have been dealing with all sorts of emotions: Sadness, frustration, regret, guilt (If only I’d known and gotten involved a couple of years earlier), loss, depression, and anger--a whole lot of anger. I have this defiant sense of gratitude for wonderful memories that cannot be taken away. There is this overwhelming sense of injustice, a gut-wrenching feeling that it didn’t need to be this way. Because of this, the one feeling that I can’t seem to get to is acceptance. My nights are restless, and my mornings come too early. I think of the kids who got a taste of life at Hebron, and how that got cut short. I think about the kids like my daughter who will never get that now. The Presbytery has formed this new group YAP (Youth of Albany Presbytery) to continue programming for kids now that Hebron will be no more. I have been invited to take part, but I can’t. I just can’t. While its leaders have good intentions, to me this is a bone thrown to the youth as a token gesture by Presbytery higher ups—“We took your camp away, but here’s a consolation prize!” I find it very interesting that such a group was first brought up only after a large number of young Hebron supporters attended the Presbytery meeting this past February. I have little interest in participating in any member church of the Albany Presbytery. The idea that money that I contribute to the church might in any way, shape, or form go toward supporting the snobs who engineered the camp’s downfall makes me physically ill. There are a lot of really good people in our churches. I cannot say the same about the majority of the regional church leadership.

I hold on to hope that the last chapter of the camp has yet to be written, and that perhaps a new owner will maintain the facility as a camp for kids and/or a place that continues to serve the community. While the camp will no longer be with us, we can take heart in the knowledge that those ripple effects I mentioned earlier will continue for a good many years to come.

To all of the campers, staff, and board members I have had the pleasure of befriending these past 27 years, I want to thank you. I could fill pages just with your names alone. You have touched my life and my heart, and I am a better person for it.

(Legal disclaimer: The author acknowledges that any opinions expressed in the preceding post are to be considered just that: Opinions, regardless of their accuracy. Furthermore, the views expressed here are not necessarily shared by the author’s friends or colleagues.)

Postscript to Election 2008

2008-11-08T22:29:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday, Americans signaled loud and clear that it was time for a change. I went to bed that night and realized that for the first time since Al Gore conceded the 2000 election, I felt good about this country again. The election of Barack Obama was one for the history books, no doubt. After a near catastrophic start, I feel like America has a chance to get back on course into the 21st century. What follows are some random thoughts following a record 2-year election cycle and 8 years of WTF? politics. I want to preface this with the fact that I’m a liberal, and my vote was going to go for whoever won the Democratic nomination.

1) It’s about freakin’ time! It pains me that it took 8 years for people to wake up to how bad the Bush administration screwed things up. First they stole the election in 2000. They did. I don’t even want to hear otherwise. Then, when people had the chance to make it right in 2004, they blew it! –Or the Republicans stole Ohio. I’m not sure which. The bottom line is that this is what happens when a bunch of privileged old white guys, most of whom have always been well off and have little idea of what the middle class really is, are put in charge.

2) Yes, there is a liberal media bias. Conservative pundits and NASCAR yay-hoos complain that there is a liberal bias in the media. I agree, but here’s why: When you have educated journalists on a daily basis observing the goings on in the world and seeing it like it is—well, they call it likes they see it. A bias toward what is true doesn’t make it any less true. And speaking of truth…

3) Just because the government says something is true (over and over) does not make it true. Remember the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Remember how the financial carnage on Wall Street was just a bump in the road? Remember when torture was torture and not subject to legal wrangling? Remember Bush claiming he had all of this political capital after narrowly being re-elected (or was that legally elected for the first time) in 2004? Saying it over and over doesn’t make it so!

4) One Shining Moment. I will say that the night Bush addressed Congress after the September 11th attacks was the highlight of his presidency to me. The world was with us. There was an outpouring of goodwill. We had been hurt and we came together. (Never mind the fact that if the incoming Bush people had listened to the outgoing Clinton people 9/11 probably wouldn’t have happened.) It was nice for the 5 minutes it lasted. But then it was politics as usual and the Bush administration squandered that goodwill.

5) Politics sure does make strange bedfellows. You know, I used to like John McCain back in 2000. That was before he pandered to the right to get their support. I saw that McCain again when he conceded the election. Joe Biden slammed Obama in the early Democratic primary then went on to be his Vice President. Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill did their damned best to derail Barack Obama’s candidacy, only to turn around and support him. I look at this and wonder why anyone in his or her right mind would want to go into politics.

6) Joe Six-Packs and Hockey Moms… Remember when people lauded Bush because he was the “sort of guy you would sit down and drink a beer with”? –Or the appeal of Sarah Palin as being “one of us”? You know what? I know a lot of good people who drink beer or who are good moms. That doesn’t mean that I think that they have any business being the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth…

7) The Audacity of Hope: In 2004, fear won the election. It was scary to realize how much people were willing to compromise their civil liberties for a false sense of security. This year, it was hope that won. If you summed up the message of Barack Obama and his campaign in one word that would be it: HOPE. Speaking of which…

8) …Doesn’t it feel good? I love America. For all of it’s flaws it’s still the greatest nation on Earth. I’ve spent the last eight years feeling progressively worse—like ours was a country in decline like some modern day Roman Empire. That feeling is gone. For the first time since 9/11, I feel comfortable saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I feel that those words might actually ring true again.

9) Don’t expect miracles… Bush and his cronies have dug us into a big, deep hole. Yes, there is a renewed vision of America under a President Obama, but let’s be realistic. This guy isn’t going to be sworn in and just be able to fix everything with a few strokes of a pen. It’s going to take work—hard work. I predict in 4 years the Republicans will whine about how the Democrats didn’t turn things around. It’ll kind of be like someone insisting on driving, ignoring suggestions when they get you lost, then complaining when a new driver can’t get you back on the right route fast enough.

10) A New Era. Tuesday transformed America. There’s no going back. The race barrier was shattered. Eight years after the fact, we’ve truly entered the 21st century…

All About Me

2008-07-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

My full name is...	Jeffrey John Frank
My hair color is...	Brown with little strands of gray (Damn it...)
My eye color is...	Brown
My favorite color is...	a tie between Blue, Gray, and Black
I have (this number of) siblings; they are...	Kris and Rob
My favorite animal is...	the cat
My favorite fictional character is...	The Doctor (as in Doctor Who)
Some other fictional characters I love are...	Batman, Superman, Mr. Spock, Captain Kirk, Snoopy, Grimjack
My favorite restaurant is...	yet to be discovered, but I eat at Panera Bread a lot...
My earliest memory is...	digging up a toy gorilla that I had buried in my driveway.
Four places I have lived are...	Mayfield, Cortland, Hebron, Plattsburgh
Four places I have worked are...	as a landscaper, a cement yard worker, a summer camp counselor, a nightshift supervisor in an old folks home.
A foreign country I would love to visit is...	Argentina, Holland, Ireland, Scandinavia
My profession is...	school psychologist by day, costumed vigilante by night.
When I was a child I wanted to be...	a guy who caught animals for zoos.
My celebrity look-alike is...	Jason Lee
The most attractive Hollywood celebrity is...	Charlize Theron
Elvis or the Beatles...?	definitely The Beatles (sorry Mom!)
Cat person or dog person...?	Cat person all the way! Dogs are too needy.
Captain Kirk or Captain Picard...?	Captain Picard. Make it so...
If I could have any super-power it would be...	time travel
If I could have a second super-power it would be...	the ability to see the short and long range outcomes of my decisions before I made them.
I tend to date...	brunettes, but I haven't had to date in 20 + years.
A great film that not enough people have seen is...	Unbreakable
A great book that not enough people have read is...	Conversations With God
A cool television show I like to watch is...	Doctor Who
My nicknames are...	Grimjeff, Bigfoot, Hooter, Daddy
Horror films... Love em' or hate em'...?	I've never understood why people would want to deliberately be scared.
Favorite eye color of the opposite sex...?	Doesn't really matter. It's the person as a whole that counts.
The word that best describes me is...	Seeker
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Happy Birthday Superman (and Batman, and Spider-man, and Wonder Woman, and …)

2008-03-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

I’ve been reading comic books for the better part of 33 years, and as a kid I remember DC Comics having this column each month called “Ask the Answer Man!” I think the writer of the column was Bob Rozakis or something along those lines, and readers could submit questions for him to answer—hence “The Answer Man”. Anyway, one time someone asked him what Superman or Batman’s birth date was, and his answer was pretty sensible and something I’ve always remembered. He gave a date of February 29th. Now, why would he have picked that date? Well think about it: Superman has been around since 1938. Batman came along the next year. Even Spider-man, who was considerably younger, premiered in the early 60’s, and would be in his 40’s in “real life”. How do these guys stay so young looking? Well, it’s because they only have a birthday once every four years! Try not to think too hard about it—but it is fun to think about nonetheless.

Saying Goodbye

2008-03-01T09:14:00.000-08:00

I had a cat. Her name was Sneakers. We named her that because she had four white paws. As a child, my family had had a beloved cat for years named Mittens for the same reason, so this was sort of a way of honoring her memory. Anyway, my wife and I had been married for about a month. We were living in Plattsburgh, NY, where I was scheduled to begin graduate school in the fall. We found Sneakers in this tiny, out-of-the-way pet shop around the corner from one of the malls. She was this little gray tiger in with a couple of other kittens. I remember that she had huge ears relative to the rest of her body, and when we stood there looking into her cage she reached a paw out to us as if to say, “Pleased to meet you!” or “Pick me! Pick me!” –That’s all it took. My wife and I were sold. We brought her home that day. I can remember how we would be eating dinner, and suddenly the tablecloth would stiffen on one side. Seconds later, Sneakers would have clawed her way up to pay us a visit. Then there was the time I came home to find that she had gotten herself so tangled up in one of her cat toys that she may well have choked herself if I had arrived later. As a kitten, we would take her in the car with us if the weather weren’t too hot or too cold. Most often she would curl up in the back window, and take in the world.

Grad school ended after two years. Sneakers grew into those big ears, and she came with us to a rental house for a year, then our first home for six years, and finally to our current home, which we moved to just before 9/11. We brought other pets into our home—a second cat, a couple of dogs, various fish, and eventually some horses (well, those last ones never officially lived in our home, but you get the idea). But of all of them Sneakers held a special place in my heart. She was like our first child.

Of course, the heart-wrenching reality is that cats have a much shorter life span than people. These past couple of years I noticed that Sneakers was slowing down. She always had gray and white hair, so it wasn’t as if you would notice her aging in that manner. Around November, we noticed that Sneakers was visibly declining. She hardly got up and walked around. She wasn’t eating or drinking much, and when she did drink it was like she couldn’t get enough. She seemed disoriented, like she wasn’t really sure what was going on around her. She began to seclude herself, which had always been a sign of discomfort on her part. I knew she was old (over 15), but I didn’t want her to suffer. So on December 18th, I called the vet’s office, and brought Sneakers in. On the drive there I was wavering between the thought of this being her last trip and the hope that maybe things weren’t that bad. Within a half-hour, my worst fears were realized: Sneakers kidneys had shut down, she was in pain, and the prognosis was very poor. I cannot explain the agony of making the decision to end a friend’s life. –To have them put to death in order to ease their suffering. It was not a decision I took lightly. For several eternal moments in that examination room, I fought back tears while my mind raced for some sort of alternative. But I found none. The choices were to let Sneakers waste away in pain over the next few days as her body failed her, or to have the Vet painlessly end her life here and now. I decided not to prolong her suffering.

The Vet came in, I made my choice, signed some papers (It felt like signing a death warrant, even though I knew I was making the best out of two lousy choices), and he asked if I wanted some time alone before he did the deed. I was thankful for that. In those last few minutes that seemed to last forever while at the same time ticking away all too quickly, I got down on the floor, and tried to get Sneakers to come to me. As I had mentioned, she often seemed disoriented in those last days. Whereas in the past she had always readily came, toward the end she had been reluctant to do so, probably because she felt so awful. I looked down at her, wishing I could explain to her what was going to happen to her and why I had made the decision I had. I wish she could have told me that she was okay with it. Anyway, in our last minute together—the last time I would ever see her—I rubbed my fingers together like I always did, and Sneakers came over to me. I pet her and hugged her and gently kissed her on the head. I whispered, “I’ll see you again.” –And in that moment I believed wholeheartedly in Heaven and all that stuff about being reunited with loved ones who had passed beyond the veil. I believed it more than I think I ever had before in my life.

I handed Sneakers over to the Vet, and fought back tears and a runny nose while I paid and left. I had to break the news to our two children, and my wife held me as I cried on and off. A few days later the animal hospital sent a sympathy card, which I much appreciated. I loved that cat. I liked her more than I like a lot of people I encounter in my travels. And if you’re a “cat person”, you get this. You know right where I’m coming from. And if you’re not a cat person, and you think this is a lot of drama over “just” a cat, then pick your favorite colorful expletive and be so kind as to do that to yourself.

The last week in February, my wife and kids finally talked me into adopting a new cat. Her name is Belle, and she’s a moose of a cat. It was a hard sell for me. I wasn’t over Sneakers. I’m still not. But in saving the life of a cat from a shelter, I feel that I honor Sneakers’ memory. There are so, so many dispossessed animals out there. If you are considering getting a new cat, dog, rabbit, or some other pet, please consider a shelter first. You’ll get a new friend, and you’ll save a life too.

2008-01-14T09:15:00.001-08:00

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

NEW YORK-Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

40 thoughts about turning 40

2007-12-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day in my 30's, and as I look ahead to the arrival of my 40's I thought I'd share some of my thoughts/feelings/observations on the subject. Because like it or not, it's coming.

1) Where has all the time gone? No, I mean really?

2) I guess this means that I'm an adult now. Despite the onset of middle age, I still think of myself as a kid most of the time who's masquerading as an adult.

3) As cliched as it sounds, you really are as young as you feel.

4) Remember in A Christmas Carol where Scrooge, upon realizing that he is in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come says something like, "I fear you. More than any other spirit that I have encountered"? That's how I feel about turning 40.

5) What is it with our culture that we tend to see years ending in a "0" as milestones of some sort?

6) It's just another birthday.

7) You only turn 40 once, but if you think about it, you only turn 33 once, or 12 once, or 78 once.

8) Those books about sex over 40 or fitness over 40 or life after 40 really annoy me.

9) As my good friend John says, "We're at the top of the hill", as in preparing to be over said hill in the years to come.

10) My first memory is of playing with a toy gorilla in the dirt driveway of my Mom's first house. It was a trailer. Maybe because it's my first memory I use it as the frame of reference whenever I look back over my life...

11) I'm more comfortable in my own skin now than I was at 20 and 30.

12) You know, on some deep, irrational level, I thought that I might somehow live forever.

13) Is it a sign of wisdom to say that I genuinely think that I'm wiser now that I'm older?

14) What's the big deal?

15) It's a good time to be alive.

16) No, I am NOT writing 80 thoughts about turning 80 when I turn 80...

17) I'm going to be halfway to 80.

18) I wonder if my hairline will recede a lot in my 40's?

19) Speaking of hair, I'm noticing more "salt" in the "pepper", if you catch my meaning.

20) I'm only half way through this list? What made me think that I could bang out 40 ideas when I started out writing this?!

21) I wrote that last sentence after sentence 11 so I wouldn't forget to when I got to it. I'm writing this sentence after writing number 12.

22) Getting back to hair, I don't mind gray hairs so much from a a color perspective. No, I hate them because they tend to be all twisted and dead.

23) I could die tomorrow.

24) I could live to a ripe old age.

25) At what point does from go from ripe to overripe?

26) Would we age better if we were placed in brown paper bags? You know, like pears?

27) I recently realized that energy has more to do with health habits and less to do with age.

28) I'm glad that my wife and I are close in age.

29) Only 10 more sentences to go!

30) 30 seemed kind of like a big deal, until I got to 40 that is...

31) Someone called me an "Old Soul" a while ago. I was really honored by that.

32) I refuse to grow up!

33) Thanks for reading this far.

34) I'm at peace with this.

35) I can't believe I'm only 10 years away from 50!

36) I am not over.

37) I am just beginning.

38) I will continue to grow.

39) -The number of lashes Jesus received when held prisoner by the Romans. (40 was said to be fatal).

40) My favorite quote seems appropriate: "Death is nor the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies within us while we live."

The "Ideal" Woman

2005-08-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

Have you seen Dove soap's new add campaign featuring these ladies pictured here? The idea is that showing more real life women will promote healthier views of beauty. Personally, I think it's been a long time in coming. Like most straight men, I have grown up having an image of the ideal woman in my face from television, magazines, and other forms of media. Men are visual. If something catches our eye, we tend to look at it. I wonder what we would be like if we were bombarded with images of models of all shapes and sizes right from the get go. Images of beauty change--in the 1920's, being thin and lacking any curves was the ideal, while in the 1950's curves were in. The current rage seems to be something in-between.

People rail at the Dove campaign, saying that they want the fantasy, not the reality. But where did that fantasy come from? If we were saturated with images of size 18 women in glamour magazines and on TV, would we see that as the ideal? Consider that only 2% of women fit the ideal notion of what a female figure should look like today. Consider also that a size 14 is the average for an American woman. If Barbie (the doll) was a real person, she'd be be something like 7' tall and have an 18" waist. -Now there's a positive image to send our daughters!

It's hard to fight the programming as a male to open your mind to what society considers a "less than ideal" figure on a woman. But as hard as that is, consider what it must be like to be one of the 98% of women who supposedly don't "fit" the ideal. Eating disorders rage across this country, and as a psychologist I can tell you that they can be incredibly debilitating to a woman both physically and mentally. I get sick and tired of seeing the covers of tabloids that go on and on about an actress and how she put on weight of has cellulite. In the world of glamour and celebrity, it's all about image. Do you see these occasional pictures of celebrities caught out in public doing "normal people" stuff? -They look like normal people! The ideal is an illusion, and unfortunately one that most of us are buying.

Dove's ad isn't going to inspire me to go out and buy firming cream, but it does inspire me...

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words...

2005-08-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

Yep-this pretty much sums it up... (painting by Alex Ross).

Flag Worship

2005-08-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

Before I get started, I want to tell you that I love America. I love being an American. Despite all of it’s flaws--and they are many--it’s still, in my humble opinion, the best country on Earth. Also, you may have deduced from some of my previous rants that I’m a bleeding heart liberal. Not true. I admit that I’m more liberal than conservative, but politically I’d say I tend to be about 3 clicks left of center.

Having gotten that out of the way, what the hell is it with the flag and the Pledge of Allegiance? Yes, I know that the flag represents the United States, but let’s look at it another way—IT’S A PIECE OF CLOTH! It annoys the hell out of me when people are offended if you don’t say the pledge. You’d think that I was dropping my pants and urinating on it. I simply don’t believe in pledging an oath to a colorful piece of cloth. I would go so far as to say that the flag of the United States represents my right to NOT have to say the pledge.

I recall as a teen one Sunday we were in church—and I went to a nice, moderate Presbyterian church, not one of those over-the-top bible thumping churches—and we were singing hymns. Well, it was around Independence Day, and we were singing a lot of traditional patriotic songs. Anyway, at one point, I forget the song, but a bunch of people stood up spontaneously in this swell of fervor, placing their right hands over their hearts. I found the whole thing unsettling. Here we were in a so-called House of God, and these people show more reverence to a flag than they do to the Almighty. Let’s see: Piece of cloth…creator of the universe…hmm. The choice should be easy, particularly in a CHURCH!

And I’m blown away how conservative Christians, who worship Jesus Christ—THE PRINCE OF PEACE—are the most fervent supporters of war and patriotism. If they truly practiced what their founder taught, not a one of them should be supporting warfare (i.e. bloodshed, killing, etc). Don’t get me wrong. I believe there’s a time and a place for war. I think invading Iraq was a huge mistake motivated more by greed than by any need to protect us from terrorism, but I also think pacifism during WWII would have lead to you and I speaking German today and pledging to a flag with a swastika on it. It’s just I don’t see where traditional Christian beliefs can co-exist with a pro-war mentality. If you think the country needs to hunt down Osama Bin Laden, more power to you. –Just don’t go around claiming that Jesus would endorse this sort of thing.

The thing about the Pledge of Allegiance is not that I don’t take it seriously. It’s the opposite: I take the speaking of an oath seriously enough that I cannot swear to something I don’t believe. I mean, when I have to stand for it (There are times when it would be awkward not to), this is what I’m saying to myself:

(I’m not saying this part) to the flag, of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God (do you know that the original pledge didn’t have the “under God” part? It was added during the Cold War to set us apart from those godless commies), indivisible (yeah, there’s no dividing us—look what happened when the South tried it back in 1861), with liberty and justice for white, upper class men and women, and others to a lesser extent…

For me to say the pledge and mean it, it’d have to go something like this:

I acknowledge my appreciation to the flag for the United States of America,
and to the highest ideals of the democratic republic on which it was founded,
one nation, not superior, but at it’s best a shining example of liberty and justice such as humankind has never known before.

As a petty pet peeve, at one of the schools that I work in the kids do the morning announcements. They of course start with the pledge. So many of them start by saying, “I pledge OF allegiance…” I hope we aren’t holding these kids to what they’re saying by rote.

In this post 911 climate where expressing thoughts like the ones above will get you branded as unpatriotic, I saw a bumper sticker that gave me hope the other day. Instead of the more common “God Bless America”, it read, “God Bless the Whole Wide World—No Exceptions.”

I’ll pledge to that.

An Epiphany on the Side of the Road...

2005-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

You know, gang, I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree, nor am I the dimmest. I had a genuine epiphany today: There was a story in the news how Maryland (I'm not sure which state) is planning on killing off a ton of Canadian geese because their droppings (i.e. poop) pose a health hazard. However, there is no proof that said fowl fecal matter is, in fact a health risk. -Doesn't matter. They plan on killing the birds anyway. My wife and I were discussing this on a walk tonight, and she was wondering why this was happening. And SHAZAM! -I had my epiphany right there on the side of the road. We live in George W. Bush's America. This is a country run by an administration that pretty much decides on what it wants to do, and then does it. To hell with the facts (Where were those WMD's in Iraq again? Oh yeah--THEY NEVER FOUND ANY). Facts just get in the way. I guess this end-justifies-the-means sort of thinking has started to rub off on people. Which is why a bunch of geese that have to poop like everyone else will be exterminated. Hmmm....

Holiday Season Postscript

2005-01-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. I'd hoped to periodically update you with my observations of the holiday season, but since said period was busy, I didn't get around to it. So in lieu of that, here are some random statements about the Thankschrist Year's Holiday:

1) I was in a mall during the holidays. There's a huge one in Albany, NY. It was a madhouse, and I remember thinking, "I wonder if in the distant future they'll unearth this place and think it's a temple to the God of commerce?"

2) Some of the best advice I don't follow: Shop ahead of time for Christmas; as in over the course of the year as opposed to the 3-4 weeks leading up to December 25th.

3) The song says, "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas". It says nothing about before or after Christmas. Song is nice for the holiday, but as of December 26th it can go right back to low 70's as far as I'm concerned.

4) Remember when Thanksgiving was a genuine holiday instead of just the point at which it wasn't totally ridiculous to be Christmas obsessed? I swear, the local Walmart has the x-mas stuff out on Halloween night!

5) Am I the only one who gets sick of hearing how the poor vendors are taking a loss on Christmas profits? Christmas sales are like certain movies: The hype is such that anything less than "top grossing film of all time" is considered a failure...

6) When obsessing over the right gift for someone--especially the people you feel obligated to get a gift for as opposed to a genuine desire to do so--ask yourself, "Do I even remember what I got them last year? Do they?" If the answer to either is "no", then don't worry to any great extent.

7) Christmas is for kids. The older I get, the more I see that.

8) I believed in Santa until I was 12 years old. People ask me what kind of geek I had to be for that to happen, and I'll tell you: I simply refused to believe that something so good could just be an elaborate hoax. As I recall, the first words out of my mouth when Mom told me were, "I suppose the Easter Bunny isn't real too!"

9) Anyone who can stay on a diet faithfully during the holidays has an iron will.

10) Have you ever noticed how much of our culture revolves around holidays? What was it, December 27th or 28th when the Valentine's Day stuff was out on the shelves?

11) How the hell do those Christmas specialty shops turn a profit from January through October?

12) Best gift I got this year: A DVD recorder. Boo-yah!

Still can't believe it.

2004-11-23T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well, Election Day is nearly three weeks behind us, and I confess that I still can't get my head around the result. Oh, I accept the outcome in the sense that George Bush got more votes. I don't believe that all of those votes were legit, but for the time being I'll accept that even without that he won. What I cannot accept is the stupidity of people for voting for him. And yes, if you voted for him you were being stupid. It's like how Nixon got re-elected even though Watergate information had been released. The bottom line is that he was NOT legitimately elected in 2000. Consequently, he should never have been in a position to be re-elected in the first place! I look at the death toll in Iraq, the fact that the world hates us more than ever now, and the state of the economy, and I think, "How?" I've lost a lot of faith in the average American.

And yeah, you may think that I'm a whiney liberal. Screw you! Get your own blog and spout off! I'm a concerned American. I love this country, but I fear the direction it is taking...

Pearls of wisdom...

2004-11-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

Okay kiddies, I'm not going to make you wait 100 entries into this blog to share this with you. I'm going to get it out of the way right now. I've been walking around on this earth for nearly 37 years, and I'm surprised to say that I've learned some things about life. What exactly? -Well, read on as I share with you...

Grimjeff's Secrets of Life
1) Always have something to look forward to. Maybe it's the weekend, or a trip to your favorite store, or a night out with someone special, or a bowl of Death by Chocolate ice cream, or the night your favorite TV show is on. Whatever it is, make sure you have something to look forward to; something to keep you going.

2) Perception is reality. I'm a psychologist in my professional life, and I've got to tell you: Reality is different for each person. We all have our own perceptions of it. And we all live our lives, each according to our own perceptions of reality. There's an old Zen saying, "We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are." -Meditate on that one class.

3) Get to know the people in your life, and expect them to be who they are. You will seldom be disappointed, and you may occasionally be pleasantly surprised. I can't tell you the number of times I've seen people, myself included, get all bent out of shape because a person doesn't act the way they'd like them to. Well, here's the thing: If Kathy's a phoney, two-faced, backstabber, don't be surprised when she's a) phoney, b) two-faced, or c) stabs you in the back. Even if people are jerks, if you know they're jerks, it's easier to deal with them, because you're prepared. This is far more effective than thinking, "Well, maybe they won't be a jerk this time (Even though they have been the last 9 out of 10 times)." There's the old story of the scorpion who begged a fox to take him across a river. The fox initially refused, saying that the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion said that he wouldn't. Halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the fox. "Why did you do that?" asked the fox. "Now we'll both die." The scorpion replied, "It's in my nature." People are like that too. They are who they are. Thinking that they should be this or that when they are not, is a waste of mental energy.

Thus endeth the lesson. Hope it helps.

Grimjeff

Essay #1 of how the religious right are wrong...

2004-11-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, my friend Sue tells me to look in the editorial section of today's local paper. She knows that I just love Bush supporters--and religious zealot Bush supporters in particular. Anyway, I buy the paper, and there's this opinion printed from some local going on about the evils of homosexuality and how George W. Bush is a moral leader, blah, blah, blah. He referenced the gospels, and explained how the election of Bush (I can't say re-election because he wasn't elected the first time. He was appointed by the Supreme Court) exalted Jesus.

Yeah, well I've got one for you: Jesus, save me from your followers!

I'm straight as an arrow. I've been with the same woman for over 16 years, and we've been married for 12 of those years. We have two kids. But I've gotta tell you, I get damned sick and tired of gay bashing from the so-called religious right. The Bible says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged", but these nutjobs apparently skipped that part. They honestly believe that homosexuality is a choice. Well, let me ask you of the heterosexual persuasion: Do you find that your attraction to the opposite sex is a choice? Is it something you can just turn on/off?

The Bible, especially the New Testament, talks about God's love for us. Love to me is at the heart of God's essence. So you mean to tell me if two men or two women really love each other and want to have a committed relationship that God frowns on that? Guess which state has the lowest divorce rate? -Massachusetts. Yes, that's also the only state to permit gay marriage. In contrast, the states with the highest divorce rates are all Bible Belt states. Hmmm. I'll let you readers draw your own conclusions from that one.

Did anyone ever consider that homosexuality might just be evolution's way of population control? At 6 billion and counting, we are taxing the Earth's resources just a tad. Oh, I forgot--you religious nutjobs don't believe in evolution. I mean, it makes so much more sense to interpret the Bible literally in this regard. Newsflash: Men wrote the Bible. Not God. Men.

Religious fanatics ought to get a grip. I tell you, I pray that neither of my kids turn out to be gay. It's not because I oppose the lifestyle. It's because our society treats the gay community so poorly, I wouldn't want them to suffer for being that way.

Fundamentalist Christians ought to take a long hard look at themselves. Because if God is watching them, I don't think He or She would like what He or She saw. Love one another. Jesus himself said that is the great commandment.

The Adventure begins...

2004-11-06T22:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I wrote what I considered a solid first post, but because this was my first time using this system I lost it. So let's try this again...

I've mulled the idea of having a blog over for a couple of months now. I never quite got around to it before. What motivated me was the result of the US election this past Tuesday. Mind you, I have no intention of this little corner of cyberspace being a strictly political journal, but for now it's as good a place to start a blog as any.

BUSHWHACKED
Politically, I lean just left of middle, so I was understandably put off by the re-election of President George "Dubya" Bush. And I admit that on Tuesday I was casting a vote moreso against Bush than for John Kerry. I truly believe that anyone who takes the time to look beyond the standard corporate owned media outlets would have a hard time voting for Bush. If there's one thing that this past Tuesday did for me, it confirmed a suspicion that I've had for some time now: A lot of Americans are stupid, plain and simple. I could go into how it galls me how the country is so divided right now, or about how angry it makes me to hear daily reports of American soldiers and other human beings being killed in Iraq, months after our arrogant Commander-in-Chief announced "Mission Accomplished". -Or how I find it curious--very curious--how Iraq, which just happens to sit on the second largest oil supply in the world, is a legitimate target, while North Korea is not invaded, despite flagrantly balking at nuclear treaties, to say nothing of Iran. If we really cared about liberating people, why aren't we sending trrops into Sudan? Tibet? What about bringing freedom to those folks? Oh, that's right, they have no resources that would be of use to the US, so screw 'em! A good military leader unites his allies and divides his enemies. Our president has done the opposite. And now he's been given another four years! It boggles my mind. It truly does.

I mean, I had one friend who said she was voting Bush because he looked better than Kerry. Well, that's a good criteria...if you're voting for class president in 7th grade. It's fear. Without 9-11 I think Bush would have been run out of office in a landslide. Hell, if Bush and his cronies had listened to Clinton's cronies as they prepared to take over, maybe there wouldn't have been a 9-11.

So what have we learned here? Well, first of all, we've learned that fear can motivate Americans to compromise their freedoms and good sense. Secondly, we've learned that people really do get the government they deserve.

You know those bumperstickers that read, "I love my country, but I fear my government"? Yeah, put me down for one of those...